Alright, let's get this straight. Axon, the Taser and body cam company, is now trying to sell us on the "911 of the future."
Axon's New Emergency Empire
Excuse me while I roll my eyes so hard I see my brain. They're throwing around phrases like "AI-enabled communications solutions" and "modernize 911 call handling." Give me a break. What it really sounds like is a land grab, a power play to control even more aspects of our lives.
They bought Prepared and Carbyne, right? Okay, fine. But the sales pitch is insultingly transparent. "Cutting high-priority response times from seven to ten minutes to as little as 120 seconds." Oh, really? Because the last time I called 911, it felt like they were operating on donkey time. Now suddenly, AI is going to turn them into the Flash? I'll believe it when I see it.
And this isn't even about saving lives, is it? It's about data. Mountains of data. Every call, every location, every whisper funneled into Axon's servers. Remember that whole "move fast and break things" motto from the early days of tech? Now it's "collect everything and monetize it later."
But wait, there's more! The press release is dripping with corporate buzzwords. "Ecosystem," "seamless connections," "real-time operations." It's enough to make you wanna hurl.
Body Cams for Everyone! (Even Retail Workers)
Oh, and they're not stopping with cops. Now they're pushing body cams for retail workers. The Axon Body Workforce (ABW) Mini. Because what every cashier needs is to feel like they're starring in their own personal episode of Cops.
They say it's for "accountability and safety." Sure, Jan. Let's be real, it's about loss prevention. It’s about scaring off potential shoplifters. It's about monitoring employees. It's about turning every interaction into a potential disciplinary hearing.
"We are excited that our employees' feedback turned into very real progress and very real innovation." That's what some retail trial customer supposedly said. I call BS. No retail employee ever asked for this.
I swear, sometimes I think these companies just sit around in boardrooms, brainstorming ways to make our lives more surveilled and controlled. And the worst part is, offcourse, people will buy it. They'll eat it up. They expect us to believe this nonsense, and honestly...
Where's the line? At what point do we say "enough is enough"? Is there even a line anymore?
Then again, maybe I'm the crazy one here. Maybe I'm just a grumpy old cynic who's afraid of progress. But I doubt it.
The Market's Already Yawning
And look at the stock market's reaction. Axon rallied after Trump's 2024 election... remember those "Trump trades"? A surge in funding for police, blah blah blah. But even that boost fizzled out. And now, after these "record" Q3 results, the stock tanks by 20% after hours. Taser maker Axon dives after whiffing on earnings; announces acquisition
What does that tell you? Wall Street isn't buying the hype either. They see the same thing I do: a company grasping at straws, trying to justify its existence by expanding its reach into every corner of our lives.
